Dear backslider, first thing’s first, there was a reason why you broke up, remember that. It’s easy to get relationship amnesia after a series of unsuccessful romantic entanglements.
Sometimes failed dates or hook-ups can leave us sorting through our history and idealizing old, familiar partners. Feeling discouraged or, worse, desperate leaves us in a bad position when it comes to decision making.
Let a bit of time pass post breakup. Allow space for a few weeks or even a month to really reflect on why you broke up to begin with. If those reasons have dissipated or enough time has passed, there still could be a chance.
In order to determine if it would be a good idea to get back together with an ex, ask yourself, why did we break up?
If those reasons include the following, it could be a good idea to get back together with your ex:
a) The breakup was mostly due to timing or circumstance. Perhaps you were young or one of you had to move away for a period of time, but there was nothing really wrong with the relationship itself. The love was still there and is still there.
b) The reasons you broke up were not because of lack of love, communication or trust. There is a solid foundation to work with and move forward.
c) One of you made a rash decision. Perhaps you were dealing with your own personal issues or still working with triggers from past relationships that caused you to react and exist from the relationship for the time being. These are issues you will need to address with your ex but things you can work through together if both parties want to and are ready.
d) You feel a high level of chemistry and compatibility with your ex. You both want a relationship and are willing to do the work to make this relationship work.
These are good reasons to consider getting back together with an ex. Do not confuse these reasons with the bad reasons to get back together with an ex:
1. You are lonely and are looking for someone to replace that feeling.
2. Don’t believe you will find someone better or don’t believe you deserve better.
3. You feel like you can’t live without them.
4. You are dependent on your ex for your own happiness.
5. You just miss the sex.
6. Your ex is with someone else.
7. You have a long-standing toxic pattern of breaking up and getting back together.
Love is not a maybe thing. If you feel that there is a strong foundation and love for each other to move forward and start again with your ex, there is nothing wrong with giving it a chance for the right reasons.
That old cliche ‘ you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone’ was coined for a reason. Sometimes we don’t appreciate what’s right in front of us, we can’t see the forest for the trees. Relationships need to be nurtured, if you get into the habit of letting yours run on auto-pilot, you will suffer a crash landing.
But remember, both partners have to be willing to do the work required to keep the relationship alive. If you weren’t ‘all-in’ the first time around, you better figure out why before you ask for a second round. Take the time you need to get to the root cause of the break-up and figure out what role you played.