While some people adamantly maintain that adult men and women cannot be just friends, I insist that they can, albeit with a few caveats. I have two close male friends that I have been friendly with for quite some time now.
The relationship is strictly platonic. Unlike same-sex friendships, cross-sex friendships come with their unique set of challenges. That is why they are extremely hard to keep.
Imagine being friends with a man for years. He is your go-to guy for everything: when you are having boy trouble, facing difficulties at work or beefing with one of your other friends. He is the only one you can call to vent. You hang out regularly and talk on the phone at all hours of the day.
Then he gets a girlfriend and now you have to fall back? All of sudden, you can’t hang out with him as much as you used to or call as much as you used to.
You definitely can’t call or text him at odd hours of the night because his new girl might be with him and your late night calls or texts will not be taken kindly.
Being friends with a man becomes sticky when he gets a girlfriend because you can bet your life that the new girlfriend won’t be a fan of the friendship, and with good reason. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment.
As women, it is in our nature to be wary of other women in our significant other’s life. She will automatically think that you have romantic feelings for him and given the chance, you would jump his bones without a second thought.
No matter how innocent the friendship is, she won’t be very accepting of it, especially in the beginning when she doesn’t know much about you. All she knows is what she can see – a somewhat attractive woman being overly friendly with her boyfriend. That is reason enough to have all her defences up.
So, how do you deal with being the platonic female bud when your male buddy gets into a relationship? The first thing is to accept that you will no longer have priority in his life.
While we are not supposed to ditch our friends completely when we start dating, it is expected that the friendship will be put in the back burner as his new relationship takes precedence.
The best thing to do if you want more face time with your friend is to befriend his girlfriend as well. You might despise her for stealing your best friend’s attention from you, but it is the only way to maintain the friendship with her man.
By being friends with her, she will see that you are not a threat and therefore, be more comfortable with the friendship. Above all, always be respectful and act appropriately. Do not be touchy-freely with him.
You should never do anything that would give the impression that there is anything more than just a platonic relationship