How to Use Edging to Make Sex Better

You’ve probably heard of ‘edging’ as a way to increase the strength of your orgasms. If you repeatedly bring yourself close to climax and then abruptly cut off stimulation, the big finale – when you finally go through with it – will feel even better. It’s a slow burn that amplifies your nerve endings tenfold.

But the benefits of edging go far beyond a more intense climax. Did you know it can help you manoeuvre certain bedroom concerns, including premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction? Edging can also help you intimately connect with your partner during sex.

Sometimes, we become so focused on climaxing that we’re not fully present in the moment. Edging deemphasises orgasm, while still emphasising pleasure (this is great, because most female-bodied orgasms have very little to do with long-lasting erections, anyway).

Edging is about the connection to your body and learning what feels good beyond run-of-the-mill intercourse, according to Kenneth Play, an international sex hacker and creator of the Sex Hacker Pro Series. This can help you reframe sex entirely. ‘Once [people] gain this kind of awareness and control, they can expand this to other aspects of sex, and it can be really beneficial for them and their lover(s),’ he says.

If you’ve been struggling with premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or an inability to focus during sex – or you simply want to have stronger orgasms, because who among us doesn’t? – then it might be time to try edging.

What is edging?

Edging (also known as surfing, peaking, and teasing) is essentially the ultimate tease: it’s taking you right to the ‘edge’ of orgasm, then stopping, resting, and repeating. ‘Edging can be a personal practice and also a therapeutic tool,’ says Dr. Holly Richmond, psychologist and licensed sex therapist. ‘What it is is stroking the penis like you might normally during masturbation, but slower and more mindfully.’

The term ‘mindful’ is key here. These days, mindfulness is a buzzword used to describe everything, from our overall wellness to our diets to how we design our apartments and our closets. Media darling or not, it works. In sex, mindfulness emphasises intent, pleasure, and patience. Edging is just one example of a way that people are looking to have orgasms with more focused intent. It’s about the journey, not a quick release.

A focus on edging can reduce performance anxiety and increase our ability to pay attention to what you’re doing right now. ‘The focus is not on the orgasm,’ Richmond says, ‘but pleasure in the moment.’ If you’re wondering how delaying an orgasm could possibly be appealing, we have news for you. Sex is about more than just orgasms… especially when you’re with a partner. If we’re all hurrying up to get off and get on with our days, where is the fun in that?

‘Viewing sex as all about the orgasm is a response to a lot of the media we have out there, from pornography to mainstream television’ says Stephanie Alys, sex tech entrepreneur and founder the sex toy company MysteryVibe. ‘[People] always refer to sex as penetration. But that definition of sex can be very limiting.’

For starters, emphasising orgasm over everything else is a pretty heteronormative view of sex (meaning that it’s restricted to penis-in-vagina intercourse – and guess what, not everyone has sex that way). It also ignores the crucial fact that sex is pretty fun overall – and that applies to the moments leading up to orgasm as well.

How to Try Edging Alone

• Create a warm and inviting atmosphere. Successful edging experiences start with feeling safe, contained, and relaxed. Put on some music that you find relaxing/sexy, light some candles (if that’s your thing), and make sure you have privacy.
• Use a reliable, high-quality lubricant. You want a lube that is water or silicone-based, petrochemical and glycerine-free.

3) Start the physical arousal process. Begin touching your penis/clitoris with well-lubed fingers (or hands). Stroke as you normally would.

4) When you feel like you’re about to reach the point of no return, stop all stimulation. Take your hands away or slow down your movements. Take 5 deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Bring awareness to your body.

5) In your awareness, consider what you were thinking/feeling while getting yourself excited. Were you feeling tension in your muscles? Having a fantasy? Thinking about someone? This self-check helps to build a stronger mind-body connection between you and your penis/clitoris.

6) Start the process over by beginning to masturbate as you normally would. Stop again at the point of no return, take 5 deep breaths, and bring back your awareness outlined in step 5.

7) Repeat steps 1–3 one more time. Do this until you reach your peak.

8) Let go and enjoy your climax.