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Lies In Relationships: Reason Of Becoming An Issue


Recently, I have had to deal with two people who can lie for Africa.

Fam, I am telling you. If this gal and guy as much as cough, you can bet your salary a lie will hit you.

For someone who is not an “Active Liar”, to say that this rattles me is a big understatement.

Blatant, needless lies!

What are you lying to me for? I didn’t ask, I don’t even care!

Over the years, I’ve worked with a number of these people, some at work others informally — yet this so-called pathological or compulsive liars unnerves me each time. I have often wondered why they engage in it.

I asked around and people shared their opinions on why people often lie for no reason

Reason 1

Often, people tell lies because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence toward getting the decisions or reactions they want. The truth can be “inconvenient” because it might not conform to their narrative.

Reason 2

Another reason people lie when it just doesn’t matter is because they actually do think it matters. While everyone around them thinks it’s an inconsequential issue, the liar believes it is critically important. They may be putting undeserved emphasis or pressure on themselves, or on the issue, but you won’t know unless you ask something like, “It seems like this issue is really important to you — why?”

Reason 3

They need you to approve of them. It may not feel like it to you, but people who tell lie after lie are often worried about losing the respect of those around them. They want you to like them, be impressed, and value them. And they’re worried that the truth might lead you to reject or shame them.

Reason 4

If a chronic liar admits to any single lie, they feel like they’re admitting to being a liar, and then you’ll have reason to distrust them. However, when we tell a little bitty lie, but then to cover that lie, we have to tell another one, then another, and another — each gets bigger and bigger.

Reason 5

They don’t know it is a lie or want it to be true. So when we are under pressure, our thinking about the big picture can be challenged. Often, repetitive liars feel so much pressure in the moment that their memory becomes simply unreliable. When they say something, it’s often because they genuinely believe, at that moment, that it is the truth. Other times, the liar might want their lie to be true so badly that their desire and needs again overwhelm their instinct to tell the truth.

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